Neptune’s Last Kiss – Neptune in aspect to the Sun   Leave a comment

The sun represents our ego, the rationality of the mind that controls our impulses and finds ways of achieving our desires. Self esteem we are told is different from narcissism – self esteem is our view of self worth and narcissism is the need to find value from others but they are not separate things but entwined. Both are linked to the idea that we must have worth as individuals to society. The pyramids have no worth neither does the great wall of China or man landing on the moon – the universe would be just the same if these events had not occurred.  Nothing mankind has done has ever had worth yet we are told that we must have self worth the self cannot do anything of worth it can do things of value to itself.  I write because that is something of value to myself but it is not of worth it will make no difference to the universe whether I write or not things will go on as before and I will cease to exist as before.

Yet we celebrate acts of building the pyramids, and other such accomplishments as if they truly have a worth and value outside the value we give them as individuals we call writers great writers we partake in the mythology of our actions having worth and value.  The only value they have is to ourselves and their value cannot make us great, special or self-individuated that is the fantasy of pathological narcissism.  We do these acts not because we have greatness but merely because we can and we have no greatness, no value and nothing special to offer just our complete ordinariness, our valueless-ness and our lack of specialness.

Humans do things we consider amazing and value highly because in reality they are not amazing nor of any value which is why as humans we can accomplish them.  There is no real worth obtained in doing whatever we feel driven to do, just the satisfaction in doing and expressing these urges. Writing cannot make me great or a better or more important person it can only satisfy my urge to write, I have no value neither does anything I do when I did not exist the world was the same and when I cease to exist it will make no difference to the world.

I have no value of my own but that is irrelevant what is relevant is that I have a son who loves me despite my complete lack of value and worth, that makes me important not because I am special there is nothing special about me but I am important because I am loved, I am part of a family and a community despite my complete lack of value.  Importance is not derived from what or who we are but in being part of humanity and in this aspect we are all important yet completely without worth or value of our own.

Neptune in aspect to the Sun is about the fantasy of value we attach to ourselves and the pathological narcissism it feeds. We have no value and we cannot give ourselves value however much we try.  Thus feeding this narcissism is never ending for it cannot be satisfied it just leaves us impotent. for what I do does not give me importance my importance was always there from the beginning and cannot change.

This is where Peter Singer’s argument of the severely disabled child fails to recognise an important truth there is no value to being whether we are severely disabled or ‘normal’ it is vanity to think we contribute anything. Our importance comes solely from our humanity in the fact that we are loved equally whether we are severely disabled, philosophers, physicists or doctors we are all of equal importance. Being in films on television or famous does not change that.  Having a big car or house cannot change that, writing a best selling novel cannot change that, being a Buddhist monk cannot change that or being a drug addict cannot change that – there is nothing we can do to change our importance we must all learn to embrace it.

His argument fails to realise that the mere fact that we as adults are living today is because we are equally loved as babies in that we are fed and nurtured and our communities love us enough to ban the use of cosmetic or medical testing on babies just as it bans the dumping of them at rubbish tips.  There may be times when that system fails and children die but it is never that the child was less important because no child ever was – the system failed the love did not. The child was equally important whether that child was severely disabled, had the potential to become an alcoholic or had the potential to become the greatest violinist in the world. For no baby’s importance is connected to what they may achieve in life, for that is an unknown valueless and worthless aspect that we have been placing too much emphasis on to our detriment.

We may find it difficult to believe at times because all children are extremely narcissistic our memories are coloured by that narcissism, that means we make everything in childhood about ourselves, and since it is from the perspective of a narcissistic child with little understanding of events, issues and human frailty our memories are coloured by our own self bias and unrealistic expectations. That is not to say that we don’t experience trauma as children, we do but we lack the capacity to understand situations fully or to see beyond our own emotions to the choices available to adults, their limitations which we all as humans have and their ability to cope. Instead the beginnings of our pathological narcissism begin to take root we create a story in which events are happing because we are bad, evil, unloved.  We create a story in which everything unpleasant that happens is because of us not circumstance but ourselves – because we were bad.

That is the root from which our pathological narcissism stems from the belief that we are bad, unlovable, unloved and lacking because we see ourselves as responsible for situations we have no control over.  This pathological narcissism drives us to need a new and improved self to seek to be better, through celebrity, being spiritual, artistic or having more ‘stuff’ than everybody else – we seek to rebrand ourselves without looking at the root cause of our pathological narcissism and asking ourselves if that childish story was ever true.




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